Shepherding A Child's Heart

Parenting is a treacherous job at best. We parents are given no instructions with how to raise little Johnny or Suzy when the stork drops them off on our doorsteps. You'd think you could flip them around and remove their shirt to find their directions printed clearly, in English and Spanish, across their backs. This would make life so much easier after all.




Unfortunately, life, specifically parenting, just isn't that simple. Over the years I have tried many different techniques to get through to my children to help them obey, to encourage personal growth, and to let them know God, mommy, and I love them dearly. While a lot of them have worked, most have led to bigger problems needing to be dealt with using another hair brained idea I heard around the water cooler at work.

The main issue I, and most parents have is trying to get their children to obey. It's a control issue that focuses on making sure they maintain a certain level of behavior. We feel if we can get them to act a certain way, then we are successful parents. Some years ago, thankfully, this very idea was challenged in my heart and has recently come back to the forefront of my thoughts to share with you.

There is a book by a wonderful author named Dr. Tedd Tripp. In the book, he challenges his readers to begin to think deeper about their children and their behaviors. Not just to look at what little Johnny does, but why he does it. He pushes us past the facade of the outward actions and says that looking to the heart of the child is much more important. When I first read these words, well... actually, I was listening to the book on cassette tape. Yes, I'm old. Get it out of your system. I'll wait while you giggle. Done? Fine... As I was saying... When I first "read" these words, they just made sense. The root of the problem is easier to deal with in the long run. In business we believe this. That's why people get fired. They are causing the problem, so they gotta go!

Why should our children be any different? I don't mean to fire them. Can you imagine? "Yes, Mr. Johnny is it? It says here on your reference sheet that your last parents let you go for lying? Is that correct? And why should we take you on as our child? Be as specific and clear in your answers as possible..." The idea is preposterous. I simply mean that by targeting the heart, you can fix the action.

You probably want some proof before you consider making the switch. I get it. Let's go to an authority in my life and test this truth. The Word of God says in Luke 6:45, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his HEART. For out of the overflow of his HEART his mouth speaks." That means that whatever a child does outwardly started from something in his heart. Doesn't it make more sense to get to the root of the matter instead of trying to curtail behaviors? I think so, and since you don't get to have a say so here, let's just go with that's the way it is.

It would seem if the heart is the real problem, then addressing the matters at that juncture would fix the behaviors. Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean addressing it once will take care of all their issues for all eternity. After all, what in life carries a guarantee like that? It means that it will be more effective. You will have to go back to their hearts over and over again as they grow older and experience more of life.

I want to testify to you today that when I use this truth as my guide to parenting, and I say WHEN because I am not perfect, so I don't always succeed in doing this. But when I do address the heart of my children, we walk away from the situation feeling closer and more understood, often times hugging, and sometimes even weeping over our brokenness that must be dealt with through prayer and forgiveness. I don't know that most parents will care enough to take the time to do it. I wish they would. I have and continue to experience a full relationship with my children that is worth every ounce of energy it takes to probe their hearts to see what is going on inside it.

I'll wrap up with one last thing. In Proverbs 4:23 it says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." As parents, it is our job to guard our children's hearts, to make sure that their little wellsprings are spewing joy filled life all over the place. They're these little balls of pent up frustration and emotions that are looking to you to know how to succeed in life because they don't know how. I don't know about you, but I couldn't think of a calling more worthy of my attention and consideration than that of shepherding my children's hearts.

POST SCRIPT: If you'd like to check out the book by Dr. Tedd Tripp, it's called Shepherding a Child's Heart. I've taken the liberty to find some paperback copies on Amazon that you can pick up by clicking anywhere on this oddly colored sentence.  I promise you that you will not regret this read as it will challenge you in ways you cannot even begin to understand.

I also want to give a big shout out to my mother who gave me the book on tape in the first place. Thanks Ma!